just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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