he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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