If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
