did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
