Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
