I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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