We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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