what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
