The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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