Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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