wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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