Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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