i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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