Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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