Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
