Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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