Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
