just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
