I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
