I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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