I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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