I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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