sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
