If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
