i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
