Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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