I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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