when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
