why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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