i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
