4 words: hood of his car
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
