i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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