I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
