a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
