the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
