Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
