i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
50% drunk capacity currently
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
