ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize