so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
