Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
