did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
