at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
