You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
