I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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