tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
