a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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