I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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