um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
