I accidentally had phone sex last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
