you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
