Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
