i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
