if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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