apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had sex on a roof
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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